Rock
by O-ranges
Summary: Zelda death and rock loving! No rocks were harmed in the making of this fic... hopefully. Don't read if you can't handle yellow. oo;;


DISCLAIMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!: I don't own any of these characters except for Bob and the random guys. I just TURNED EVERYONE ELSE INTO IDIOTS.  
  
Link is in his house reading his newspaper. Then the doorbell rang. It was Zelda.  
  
Zelda: Link! I have a surprise for you!  
  
Link: Shut up, you demon princess. And get off my lawn.  
  
Zelda: [Ignores Link's command] Link, come out!  
  
Link: GET OFF YARD BEFORE I BEAT YOU!  
  
Zelda: [Shrugs and leaves]  
  
Link: Now I can finally get back to my newspaper. [Jumps back in his chair, but then the phone rings. Link picks up the phone. It was Zelda] Hello?  
  
Zelda: Link! Do you want to come to my castle?  
  
Link: Zelda, haven't I had enough of you since I fought Ganon and when you were in my yard 5 minutes ago?  
  
Zelda: Um, we fought Ganon a year ago.  
  
Link: What do you mean," we"? [Hangs up].  
  
*phone rings again*  
  
Link: [Picks it up] What?!!  
  
Zelda: I'll give you free food if you come over.  
  
Link: Oh, fine then. But I'm only coming over because my kitchen's empty. So keep away from me!!!! [Hangs up]  
  
*phone rings again*  
  
Link: [Picks it up] What the hell do you want now?!! I said I'm coming over!! You cheap, yellow-spotted, mashed potato-canned princess!!! I never liked you!! Yes, that is what I truly feel about you!!!!  
  
Bob: Um, Link, it's me, Bob, calling you from Pizza Palace. I was in a good mood and was about to give you a free extra large pizza, but since you insulted me, forget the offer! [Hangs up].  
  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! If I didn't insult him, I could've eaten free food WITHOUT Zelda germs!! How come no one is saying,"bye" today? Oh, well. Come on, Epona, let's go over to Zelda's place and get it over with.  
  
Link is now riding Epona to Zelda's castle. He keeps spanking the horse's butt and it is getting pissed off.  
  
Link; Come on, come on. Just three more miles and we're there! [Spanks the butt again, but his hand gets stuck INSIDE it] Hey! Get my hand out of your butt hole!!!  
  
Epona: [Throws Link off and starts running away]  
  
Link: Come back here, you yellow-bellied creature!! I'll shove a lit match up your butt the next time I see you!!! I won't let you use my bathroom anymore! Oh, great. I'm stuck three miles away from Hyrule Temple with horse crap on my hand! [Looks at his hand. It was green.] Now I have to walk there.  
  
2 days later..Link is almost there!!! He just has to walk 167 more steps!  
  
Link: Just 165 more steps!!! Anyway, Zelda sucks! She always makes me pay for her food just so she can buy herself some make-up crap. I bet her free food is disgusting. She-WHOAAA!!! [Trips over a rock] Cool!! Look at this rock!!! [Looks ahead to see that he is three steps away from Hyrule castle. Or in other words, he's right in front of it] I'll name it," Rock." I wonder if I can disturb someone if I throw this rock into one of the castle's windows.  
  
When Link threw the rock at the window, the whole castle began catching fire. Oh, think of those poor cows that were in every bathroom!!! [Sob].  
  
*Link goes over to the rock to pick it up. *  
  
Link: This is one cool rock!!! You set anything on fire once someone throws you at something. I'm letting you sleep with me!!! So, let's get out of here before someone finds out that you set the castle on fire!!!  
  
Rock: What do you mean," me"?!! You threw me, you yellow-striped imbecile!  
  
Link: Cool!!!! You're just like me!! Let's go. Wait a minute! I can't go back home. It's three miles away! I'll starve to death. Wait a minute.. [Reaches into pocket and pulls out 6-year old chicken wings]. I forgot to take this out of my outfit 6 years ago! Come on, rock, let's watch THE END OF HYRULE CASTLE AND ZELDA!!!!! Muahahahahahahah-oh, forget it.  
  
Anyway, here's what happened INSIDE Hyrule castle. You're probably wondering why the hell I keep capitalizing,"INSIDE." Too bad. You'll never find out.  
  
King of Hyrule: [Barges into Zelda's room] Zelda! The castle is catching fire!!! Everyone is evacuated safely outside. Let's go!!  
  
Zelda: Did you say everyone is out there? Then I have to put on my makeup so everyone can see how pretty I am for the 126th time!!!  
  
King of Hyrule: Why did I say that?. Zelda!!! Let's get out of here before I shove this piece of cow shiznit INSIDE your mouth.  
  
Zelda: How come you're in a bad mood today?  
  
King of Hyrule: Because the castle is catching fire, genius [Sarcastic].  
  
Zelda: Yes, I know I'm smart. Now just let me put on some perfume and then we can go.  
  
King of Hyrule: You make me sad. [Looks around to see that the room is catching fire and jumps out the window.]  
  
Zelda: Okay. I'm done! Hey, why is my room catching fire?!! Daddy, where are you?!!! [Looks down to see that her dress is on fire] AHHHHHHH!!!!!! HELP!!!!  
  
NEXT SCENE. Everyone is outside the flaming castle. All is worried and sad, except for Link, who is still eating his chicken wings.  
  
King of Hyrule: [Walks over to Link and cries] Isn't it a horrible thing that my castle is destroyed? [Stops crying] Oh yeah. And Zelda's dead? That's kind of horrible, isn't it?  
  
Link: Not at all, man. Here, have a chicken to cheer you up. [Hands the king a nine-year old, purple chicken wing]. Oh, yeah, and I didn't set your castle on fire.  
  
King of Hyrule: Link, I can tell that you poisoned that. [Gives it back to Link].  
  
Link: Darnnit. You got me again.  
  
King of Hyrule: I think the fire is doused down now. But no matter! My castle is DEAD!!!!!!!!!! Oh yeah, and Zelda is too.  
  
Some guy: Hey look!!! I found a zombie!!! [Points to a figure in the ruins of the castle].  
  
Link: I'm scared! [Hides behind the king].  
  
Some guy: I think it's Zelda! She's alive!  
  
Link: AHHHHH!!! [Jumps inside the king's suit.] Nice place you got here.  
  
King of Hyrule: Get out of my shirt, green boy! [Throws Link out of his suit].  
  
Some other guy: ZOMBIE!!!! AHHHH!!!!! [Runs over to Zelda and starts whacking her with a stick.]  
  
Zelda: Hey, dammit! Quit hitting me with that! I'm not a zombie!  
  
The same guy: Oh, sorry, princess [sarcastic].  
  
Zelda: Hey, Link! [Waves to Link, who is about 30 feet away from her]. I survived the fire! Can guess how?  
  
Link: [Takes out his shield and aims at Zelda] Back off, you fiend of pure darkness!  
  
Zelda: [Ignores] I jumped out the window!!! Isn't that the cleverest thing I ever did? But my dress is dirty now.  
  
King of Hyrule: That's what I did, you empty-headed princess!  
  
Zelda: Link! Do you want to go to the park with me, since my castle's ruined?!!!!!  
  
Link: NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Zelda: Aww, c'mon. It'll be fun! [Starts to advance on defenseless Link].  
  
Link: [Looks at Rock] I should've done this a long time ago! [Throws Rock at Zelda].  
  
Zelda: [Dies and bursts into flames. Wait a minute. She bursts into flames THEN dies. Sorry, I got mixed up].  
  
Link: YEAHHHHHH!!!! Zelda's dead!!! [Singing] DONG-DING, the princess is dead! Did I sing that wrong?  
  
Some random guy: Link! Where did you get that cool rock that just killed Zelda? I want one!  
  
Link: I found it while I was walking here. Then I tried a test-throw on it and threw it at the Hyrule Castle! Then it caught fire! And then-  
  
Everyone: [glaring at Link].  
  
Link: [Sweating] WHAT?!!!!! What did I do?  
  
Random guy #2: Link was the one who set Hyrule Castle on fire!  
  
Random guy #3: Who cares if he set fire to Zelda! He destroyed the castle!  
  
Random guy #4: GET HIM!!!!!  
  
Random guy #5: YEAH!!!!!  
  
*An angry mob of Hylians is now chasing link*  
  
Link: [Running like crazy] They're gaining on me! There's only one thing to do!!!! [Takes out Rock and faces Hylians] Eat this!!!! [Throws Rock at angry mob. They burst into flames and then die. YES!!!! I'm getting the hang of it!].  
  
Rock: [annoyingly] Look what you did, Link! You killed everyone. You're a bad boy. [Snickers].  
  
Link: Shut your mouth, will ya?! You're not even smart enough for special- ed! Hey! That's the first time I insulted someone without using the word," yellow"!  
  
Rock: What do we do now?  
  
Link: I'm starving to death. Hey! Let's break into people's houses and eat all their food!!! There's no one left here except for us!  
  
Rock: Okay. Sounds good.  
  
86 years later.Link dies of old age. Now the Hylian generation will never go on.  
  
Rock: It sucks being immortal.. Link died. Now I'm bored!  
  
Now, isn't that such a wonderful ending? 


End file.
